2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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