just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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