just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
