Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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