I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
