wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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