Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I think I am morally bankrupt
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
