You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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