I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Dick very happy bro
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
