surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
