We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
