who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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