I am in a vortex of obligation.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
