Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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