Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
