i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
