I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
