I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
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If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
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you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Come share oat with me in your robe
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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