i permit you to call me
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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