i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Randomize
