I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
