i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
