What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
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I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
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I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.