i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree