Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.