Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.