Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
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we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
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I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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