Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
