Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
