Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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