your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
