did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
