I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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