Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
