He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Randomize
