hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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