I'm eating all of the evidence.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
