oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
