dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
