I'm lost and stupid without you.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow