A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I would ride that face into the sunset