Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit