I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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