She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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