he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
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He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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