I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
