my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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