best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
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My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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