Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
