You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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