I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
