I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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