EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize