I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
