We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
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Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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