Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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