apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
