what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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