Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
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you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
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I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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