We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
